This week I sit down with Ancient Greek Philosopher, Plato to chat it up.

Me: Plato, do you mind if I ask you a question?

Plato: You just did didn’t you?

Me: Okay, do you mind if I ask you many questions?

Plato: But what will my apprentices do without me? Oh well… I suppose you could use some enlightening too.

Me: Plato, let me start off by saying I’m a big fan of yours. One thing that has always bothered me about you is that you never talk about your favorite things to eat. Do you like Pancakes?

Plato: Imagine if you will that pancakes are stacked to the ceiling at the end of a long table. Placed on the long table are other delicious looking foods in much abundance. You are placed on the side of the table opposite to the pancakes. Slowly, you begin to make your way to the pancakes, but others keep stopping you and telling you to sample the other foods. They want to make you full. They want to ensure that the delicious syrupy goodness never reaches your tongue. But you continue onward. Now, not many of us can say we have made it to the pancakes. Most will stop at the pizza, and call it a night. Still, many more won’t even make it that far, filling up on the chicken wings that were served before the meal. But a lucky few of us will make it to the pancakes. The glorious, fluffy goodness of the pancakes will engulf he who reaches them, and he will not want to leave the comfort of the pancake plate. But he should know better. After venturing to the pancakes, he should begin to travel backwards, as painful as it is, not empty-handed but instead carrying back pancakes for as many as he can feed. Although it is true that only a few can reach the delicious breakfast cakes, it does not mean that only a few should be entitled to taste the rewards. So, yes. I like pancakes. With blueberry syrup.

Me: Interesting… interesting indeed. From now on could you try to give more… rational responses to my simple questions?

Plato: As my mentor Socrates taught me, you must question everything. You know he never wrote anything down. Do you know that I did the writings?

Me: No, I never knew that. That’s interesting.

Plato: Is that really interesting, or is that just what you see it as?

Me: No I think you misunderstand. I never knew that before.

Plato: But what is it to know? We can only observe things from our perspective. The concept of knowledge is skewed. What you think you may know about things could be completely different from what the next may think he knows about things.

Me: But – I – Uh -

Plato: Let me ask you, what is it that you see here?

Me: This is just my office. I see chairs… a desk… nothing out of the ordinary.

Plato: Now close your eyes. Feel the office. Take this. What do you feel?

Me: I’m pretty sure it’s a stapler. I love stapling things.

Plato: No! It is only your vision fooling you.Believe in that which you feel and let your experiences guide you to the answer. Think outside the Pandora’s Box. What do you perceive? How is it different from what you previously thought of?

Me: It’s a stapler.

Plato: Is it really a stapler or is it a gun? Or maybe we’re both getting something here. Could it be a staple gun?

Me: Oh my god.Speaking of which, What are your religious feelings?

Plato:
Ah, you’d like to ponder on old Zeus and his little pretties. Like my mentor Socrates believed, people’s belief that something must be graspable with the hands to be real is quite contemptuous. What one needs to realize is that believing in more than the physically graspable, is what will
allow you to go further in your thinking and reach a higher knowledge. So, in conclusion I believe in gods.

Me: Plato, I think our interview is over.

Plato: That’s what you think!So what’s a big issue in your times Young Grasshopper?

Me: Well, there’s been some controversy on whether teachers should be able to have guns… Wait a minute buster. I’m the one asking the questions here. What’s your opinion on this?

Plato: How do you know you’re asking me questions? You only think you’re the one asking the questions! You won’t be able to understand my answers until you’ve journeyed into your own mind!
About the guns… Say you’re teaching people, and one of them is incapable of learning things as he has not been blessed by the gods. Also this person is luring your other students back to the “cave”. Wouldn’t you want a gun?

Me: Do you like waffles?

Plato: Suppose the waffles are stacked to the ceiling…

Me: I’m going to stop you there, and save myself a lot of trouble. Do not pass go.

Plato: Go is obviously a metaphor for the human mind, and you do not want me to venture into it and pull out a sufficient answer, instead making me stoop down to your level.

Me: No. Hush. Hey… What’s that you’re writing there?

Plato: Oh, just some notes…

Me: *Reads notes* I see you’ve sketched a waffle. Is that supposed to mean anything?
And here…
Socrates(form of Plato): Suppose they’re stacked to the ceiling…
Other guy: But what if they were only stacked a little bit? Wouldn’t they taste better in moderation?
Socrates(form of Plato): But the waffles are like knowledge. You just want more and more. There’s something new in every bite

Me: Interesting. Is this one of those Socratic dialogue doodads they’re always talkin’ aboot?

Plato: Precisely.

Me: So,What’s your opinion on genetic cloning?

Plato: I believe that if the elite philosophers minds can be replicated, the world will see good fortune for the rest of it’s days. Cloning sounds like a very good idea.

Me: Plus. They can clone cows now. More beef. Yummmy. Jeeze why do I keep talking about food? I think it’s about time for my lunch break. How about one more question?

Plato: Yes. Yes. I love questions!!!! Do you really have to go so soon? I mean, I don’t have to be back to rest until Hades calls.

Me: Sorry, being alive and all I have to eat and such… Onto the last question… are you ready for this?

Plato: What if I wasn’t would you wait here with me awhile?

Me: Let’s just get to the question. I have here in my hands Play- doh… Have you heard of this?

Plato: No, I haven’t. Oh me, did they make this for the children to make itty bitty me’s?

Me: Uh… I’m afraid not. It’s a child’s toy made for creating objects of the minds desire.

Plato: Brilliant.

Me: Here, why don’t you take some. Make anything you like to help explain anything you like.

Plato: *Hands on chin* Ah hah! I think I’ve got it. *Makes one bit of clay into a brain with holes in it* *Makes one with less holes the same size* *Makes one without holes the same size* *Makes one slightly bigger without holes*

Me: And what exactly are these fine specimens?

Plato: These represent the stages of philosophical enlightenment. The first one may represent someone who has not yet even thought of leaving the cave, the second one may represent someone who has initiated the enlightenment process,the third one someone who is near the opening of the cave and the fourth one is a mature philosopher.

Me: Thank you for your insight. I never knew one package of play-doh could be sooo educational.

Plato: Anything can be educational.

Me: Well, this interview didn’t go terribly, I suppose. Thank you for coming to my office today to do this.

Plato: Of course the interview went well. After all, you are the interviewer, and I am the interviewee. I know my place, and you know your place. That is why it went well.

Me: I think I’ve learned that one really needs to ask themselves, is it real to me? Or is it non-dairy creamer?

Plato: Non-dairy creamer?

Me: Next time Plato, next time.