Insurgent #9

The Insurgent Newspaper is a Rebel News Media publication posted weekly, bringing you some of the best columns from the RNM. Continue reading to see content from the Art, Facts, People, Polls, and Stories columns!

ART COLUMN

Every week the Art Column chooses a piece of art from the art channel in the RF Discord server to feature here!

This week’s featured art is from none other than Redweeb! This masterpiece was posted on April 6th. The photo is of Redweeb’s hometown. There is a stunning sunset shown. Be sure to send any of your work in #art, and congratulate Redweeb!

STORIES COLUMN

The Stories column will release prompts as a writing contest. The winner will be featured in the Insurgent Newspaper and receive a Tatsumaki Credit prize! The following prompt gives you the plot of the story you need to follow.

The prompt: Write a story about a secret agent whose identity is exposed by their enemies.

The winning entry was written by BrotherQuack, make sure you congratulate him when you see him! Read on to find out what he wrote:

“Oh hecking crap,” Agent Bacon swore violently. He was the finest agent of his age. How the frick did he end up cornered by members from the Tuba gang? ~ He was on a secret mission to infiltrate the Tuba headquarters and bring back their leader to the Director of the PSA. The Director has trusted him, and only him with this mission because of his excellent skills and experience that made him a standout agent. And he had failed him miserably. He thought he had the upper hand. He snuck into their HQ without being detected, and had broken into the leader’s office.
He thought he had the upper hand. He snuck into their HQ without being detected, and had broken into the leader’s office. The office was empty. Agent Bacon was satisfied with his stellar work. He waited silently for the leader to come back. Until he smelled a most scrumptious scent. Agent Bacon sniffed the air eagerly and saw a fat slice of pizza glistening with golden cheese! And it wasn’t just any cheese pizza- the tantalizingly beautiful slice was topped off with strips of bacon, glistening with fat. Agent Bacon groaned. Bacon and pizza, he moaned inwardly. My only weaknesses! The job was almost done. All he had to do was wait. But alas, his hunger got the best of him! He crept down from his hiding spot in the ceiling, approaching the delicate pizza slice with reverence and anticipation. It’s a trap! All of his training and instincts screamed at him. But Agent Bacon couldn’t resist his hunger any longer. With a trembling hand, he reached out onto the plate and grabbed the slice. WEE WOO WEE WOO! Immediately, alarms blared. Agent Bacon stumbled back, dropping his pizza. He tried to scramble back into his hiding place, but Tubas flooded into the office by the dozens! They backed Agent Bacon into a corner, pointing the spout of their golden tubas menacingly at him. “Oh hecking crap,” Agent Bacon swore violently. He was the finest agent of his age. How the frick did he end up cornered by members from the Tuba gang? The Tubas blew their tubas in unison, unleashing a powerful TOOT. The leader parted the crowd with a wave of his hand, making his way to him. Agent Bacon’s knees trembled as he saw the leader making his way towards him. He tried backing away, but remembered that he was stuck in a corner. “Look who we have here,” the leader of the Tubas sneered as he sauntered towards Agent Bacon.
“Look who we have here,” the leader of the Tubas sneered as he sauntered towards Agent Bacon. His eyes widened in recognition. “Wait…I know you!” “N-no you don’t,” Agent Bacon stammered. The leader chuckled. “Did you really think I couldn’t recognize my own son?” The Tubas gasped collectively. One of them fainted, and another one dropped their tuba in shock. The truth was out. “You’re not my daddy!” Agent Bacon yelled, his voice shaking. The leader chuckled. “Don’t lie to me, son. Anyone can tell we’re related. We have the same eyebrows!” “Don’t call me son,” Agent Bacon growled. “Why did you leave me as a child? Do you know how hard it was for Mom?! You’re no father of mine!” “Alright then…Sasuke.” His father said with a sneer. “Well, I suppose I’d better send a friendly message to your dear Director. Imagine the look on his face when he finds out his finest agent is the son of the Tuba leader!” “You wouldn’t dare,” Agent Bacon whispered. His father grinned savagely. “I should also add that you’re a double agent spying on the PSA for the Tubas. Imagine the look on the Director’s face when he finds out that his finest agent is my son and my spy!” His father began to laugh, a loud and terrible sound. Taking advantage of this distraction, Agent Bacon quickly scooped up the fallen slice of pizza on the floor and hurled it at his father’s face. “AAAAAAAAARGHHH!!!! MY EYEBROWS!!!” His father roared.
In the midst of the chaos, Agent Bacon whipped out his jackhammer and drilled into the cold stone floor. “Get him! GET HIM!!” Agent Bacon could hear his father’s enraged snarl fading away as he descended into the dark depths underground. Eventually, he drilled back up, climbing up into the forest near the Tuba Gang HQ. He could hear the faded shouts of Tubas hunting him and the angry bellow of his father. Agent Bacon looked around despairingly. Where could he go? He couldn’t go back to the PSA- his father was sure to expose him to the Director. He would never stay with his father and become a Tuba. There was no home for him. The PSA was his only home, and his father had taken it away from him. He wasn’t Agent Bacon, the most talented agent of his age trusted by the Director any longer. He was just Sasuke, the disgraced son and alleged spy of the Tuba leader. There was no home for him. All he could do now was run.

PEOPLE COLUMN

The People column publishes interviews with RF staff and members weekly. This week we interviewed RPF Warlord Head General, Mishka.

RNM: Hello Mishka, thank you for letting me interview you today! I would like to start with, how has your time as being a Rebel Federation head commander been so far?

Mishka: It has been awesome so far. I joined the rebel federation back in 2017 on the 5th of October and have been working towards this position ever since, so you can imagine it feels pretty amazing! Im really enjoying being a head general because I get to help organise important events, help make decisions affecting the future of the RF, additionally i get to lead entire events which, although it is a bit intimidating at first, amazing to do and lastly I am able to help the RF grow and thrive in so many ways.

RNM: That’s great to hear! Glad you’re so motivated. What was it like to rise in the ranks like you did?

Mishka: Well its been one hell of a ride to say the least. In the beginning it took me pretty long to start reaching a significant rank, I was completely new to armies and had no idea what i was doing. After I had gotten to know the army and the people I got really motivated and did my best to continue climbing the ranks. Reaching mod was an amazing milestone for me and it took me nearly half a year to get there. During my time as a mod i faced quite a few setbacks both minor and major to say the last, some out of my control but most caused by myself. Despite this I did my best to continue working hard and to stay motivated. Achieving owner was a very difficult task and I admittedly “shot myself in the foot” countless times but ive finally made it and im insanely happy that I didnt quit along the way.

RNM: I see! Your journey has been incredible. As a member of HCom, what are your hopes for yourself personally in the RF?

Mishka: Personally I want to do everything I can to help the RF grow and thrive. I want to be known for contributing to RF and I want to be known for working hard and helping the Federation in any way possible.

RNM: Grand ambitions! I like it. To wrap up this interview: what do you see in the future of the RF?

Mishka: I want the RF to continue growing to the point where we can expand to even more games. I also want the RF to become well known not only within the CP community but also within our other communities and I want our divisions and clans to continue functioning successfully.

RNM: That’s amazing, Mish! Thank you for letting me interview you today.

Mishka: No problem, and thank you for interviewing me!

That concludes the interview with Mishka – thanks to Brownboy for interviewing him.

 

There are vacancies in the interviewing team, make sure you DM Brownboy102 on discord to be a part of RNM!

FACTS COLUMN

This week’s five fun facts are:

1. There are actually more public libraries in the US than McDonald’s..  (Provided by Aishajabz).

2. Whispering is bad for your voice as it can put a strain on your vocal cords (Provided by Coolguy).

3. Sea otters have a pouch under their forearm to store their favorite rocks. (Provided by Lucy).

4. Cows have “best friends” and get stressed when separated. (Provided by Lucy).

5. Shaggy from Scooby Doo’s real name is Norville Rogers. (Provided by Lucy).

 

There are vacancies in the Facts team, make sure you DM Lucía on discord to be a part of RNM!

POLLS COLUMN

The weekly poll this edition is:

The poll last week was: What is your favorite ice cream? Here are the results:

24.9% voted for Cookies and Cream, 23.5% voted for Mint, 17.7% voted for Vanilla, 17.7% voted for Chocolate, and 11.7% voted for Strawberry. That means Cookies and Cream is the winner of last week’s poll!

 


Thanks for reading our ninth installment of Insurgent Magazine! To learn more about RNM, click here!

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